Private parts, public drama, perfect revenge

Today’s issue covers what happens behind closed doors, and what spills out. We’ve got a doctor’s guide to doing your business better. A lock that didn’t hold up in court (or on camera). And a revenge song that turned a breakup into a mic drop.

Author

Greg Sullivan
June 10, 2025

🧻 We know it’s front to back... right?

A dermatologist says that’s just the beginning. Even seasoned wipers might be missing some key moves.

Opinions are like butts; everyone's got one, and most of them stink. We can argue all day about whether toilet paper should roll over or under (spoiler: it depends on whether you live with a cat), butt but when it comes to how to use that TP? It turns out that a lot of us are doing it wrong.

Dr. Curtis Asbury, a dermatologist in Delaware, says poor technique is behind (teehee) a surprising number of itchy, irritated visits to his clinic. The culprit: something called perianal dermatitis, often caused by wiping too hard, too little, or with products that leave behind chemical residue.

He’s got a five-step guide to keeping your backside healthy and happy, and front to back is just the beginning. For example: be thorough but gentle, skip the wet wipes (yes, even the “natural” ones), and seriously consider a bidet. You know, for science.

And that’s only three of his five pro tips. Your bum deserves the whole list.

📻 A song too good for Rumours?

Fleetwood Mac shelved it. Stevie Nicks kept singing.

Stevie Nicks wrote “Silver Springs” as a heartbreak anthem for Rumours about her breakup with bandmate Lindsey Buckingham. It was personal. It was powerful. It was… cut from the album. The band said it was too long. Nicks was told to drop it—or drop out, which went over great (it did not go over great).

Nicks was so furious that she threatened to quit the band multiple times over multiple years. She’d given the song’s rights to her mom and fought to reclaim it for her solo work, only to be shut down again. And again. And again. If heartbreak had a soundtrack, this was it.

But in the end, the song got its revenge. When Fleetwood Mac reunited in 1997, they played "Silver Springs" live, and it stole the entire show. Stevie’s eyes locked on Lindsey’s as she sang, “You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loved you.” The wound may have scarred, but it also sang.

🔐 He cracked the lock—and got sued for it

A YouTuber exposed a major flaw using a pair of scissors and an empty can. The lock company didn’t take it well.

You’ll probably want to be behind a closed door while leveraging the tips from the first article in today’s issue, but don’t get too comfortable. YouTuber McNally has made himself an online celebrity by showing just how insecure our locks really are. And it’s gotten him into some trouble.

After posting a video where he bypasses a Proven Lock using nothing but a pair of scissors and a recycled can, the company called foul, claiming tampering and editing. Then they filed a lawsuit. So McNally clapped back with another video: new lock, single take, same trick, done. He also slammed a whole can of water as part of the effort. Lock picking is thirsty work.

We’re not picking (ha!) a side here, but the back and forth has been epic. Supporters flooded the comments with takes ranging from legal advice to admiration for the DIY finesse. And when Proven Locks failed to replicate his method, McNally posted yet another tutorial, explaining exactly how their own lock works.

It’s a drama best watched with popcorn and maybe behind your own (well-secured) front door.

💬 From the group text…

“OH, I get it now!” That was my reaction to this video explaining something I thought I’d learned in the third grade. Using a few flash-lights and a bit of paper, this guy finally made color theory click.