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Tax breaks, teenage dreams, and the slow, weird death of the mall

Boomers are shaping slang, malls didn’t die the way you think, and Letterman’s eerie FCC bit hits a little close to home 13 years later.

Author

Greg Sullivan
September 22, 2025 • Est. Reading Time: 8 minutes

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“If you owe your bank a hundred pounds, you have a problem. But if you owe a million, it has.”
 ― John Maynard Keynes

In this issue...

Why America built too many malls, and then just let them rot

If you’ve been paying attention, you’ve seen the pattern.

Uber used to feel like a limo service. Now it’s just expensive carpooling. Food delivery? Once cheap and fast, now it’s 20 bucks for cold fries. Streaming? You’re paying cable prices again, but with more apps to forget you subscribed to and more ads than ever.

Everything starts amazing. Then it gets worse. Then it starts to die.

The mall followed the same script. It wasn’t consumer fatigue or the rise of online shopping that killed your favorite youthful hangout spot. As Amy Lamare lays out, it was a 1950s tax hack that made malls into financial cheat codes for developers. They didn’t build them to last, they built them to depreciate.

It worked beautifully. Until it didn’t. Read the whole story to find out what went wrong.

* - What was the name of that one store with all the tech that always had massage chairs out front? That place was my jam!

Image of the day

Photographer Harry Gray captured this downpour in Manchester, which reminds me that it’s Sunday. I think I’ll have a pint.

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It's cannabis shopping that actually makes sense for “normal” people.

Don’t get salty just cause grandma ghosted on you.

Every generation thinks they’re inventing everything as they go. Tale as old as time. You wouldn’t understand, Grandma! Sex, drugs, rebellion… texting? You might let that last one slide, texting wasn’t even a thing not too long ago.

However, according to research that analyzed 7.9 million congressional speeches (yes, even C-SPAN has slang), it’s not just kids bending words into new shapes. As Mark Wales reports, boomers and Gen Xers are right there too.

So when Grandma casually drops “no cap” or Uncle Bob calls your fit “drip,” don’t assume it’s just something they picked up on TikTok, they might be the ones throwing down.

Where did you head first when the mall doors swung open?

Before the web, there was the mall. Mine was the Montclair Plaza. When you strode in, where were you headed first?

Login or Subscribe to participate in polls.

And what did we learn?

On Friday, we shared GQ’s catastrophe of an article about the things they thought were overrated 30 years ago. Then we ask you what they got right. GOOD readers, you seem to think the youth have little business being weary.

  • Youthful world-weariness (35.5%)

  • Striped bass (3.2%)

  • Poetry slams (25.8%)

  • All-you-can-eat shrimp (25.8%)

On Saturday, we shared tech from the cutting edge of pet ownership: FaceTime for pups. I asked what you thought of such a thing. One in three GOOD readers agreed it was a cute idea, but almost as many were trying to shove cash through the computer at the idea.

  • Never in a million years, I'd never get anything done. (14.3%)

  • Let me know when they make one for cats. (23.8%)

  • I think it's a cute idea. (33.3%)

  • SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY! (28.6%)

Funny in 2013 because of the absurdity. Funny today, too, but not haha funny.

Before TikTok trends and viral monologues, David Letterman was already poking the bear*, dropping bits that blurred the line between absurd comedy and cultural critique.

Case in point: a 2013 Late Show sketch that has resurfaced, where the host fields a call from a supposed FCC agent. As Ryan Reed points out, the exchange is textbook Letterman chaos: a voice on the other end stumbles over names, asks him to spell “CBS,” and even shouts for his grandma to get out of the sink.

But then comes the kicker. With an eerie dash of presentience, the fake FCC voice warns: “You can make this easy, or you can make this hard.” 

* - Not that bear. That was on Conan. 

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💬 From the group text…

This guy is Aquaman, right? We’re all on the same page? He fully summoned a school of dolphins and, well, spoilers, but… whoa.

Until tomorrow, as grandma might say, don’t let FOMO ruin your vibe. YOLO!